Butterfly of my Being

Epigraph:

Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.

Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

                         - Henry Scott-Holland        

Red little fighter,

you are my soldier.

Red little fighter, 

you are in my heart.

Red little fighter,

I have seen broken people love you. 

Red little fighter,

I have seen broken people 

build themselves on your footsteps.

Red little fighter,

Where are you?

Red little fighter,

I just saw you half an hour ago.

Red little fighter, 

Where did I lose you?

Red little fighter, 

I am losing my mind!

Red little fighter,

come back to me.

Red little fighter, 

you took my heart with you.

Red little fighter, 

How will I live?

Red little fighter, 

What have I done ?

Ruddy little fighter,

I miss you a lot.

Red little fighter,

Why can't I see you one more time?

Red little fighter, 

I know I look like a fool

talking like a madman,

writing this with my 

shaking hands

chanting your name,

I know, I know

it won't bring you

back to me.

You are not christ,

you won't resurrect; 

but what else did

you leave me with?

Your name, just your name.

Your name 'siamesed' with mine.

Your name stitched to my soul,

the needle pinned to my heart 

keeping it steady and bleeding.

I stay pain laden in this 

wretched plain, all alone.

Why should you be presented

with all the vices?

I deserve it too!

Red little warrior,

Are you safe?

Red little fighter, 

Can I see you one last time?

Red little fighter, 

Just one time?

Red little fighter, 

Look am begging on my knees,

just the last goodbye.

Red little fighter, 

you can take my life.

Red little fighter, 

come back to me please.

Red little love,

you are gone.

Red little fighter, 

I had so many days,

I wanted to spend with you 

Red little fighter,

forgive me for my sins.

Red little fighter,

I love you.

Red little fighter,

you were my heart.

Red little fighter,

I hope you loved me back.

Red little fighter, 

I hope you found a home in me.

Red little fighter, 

Oh, my fierce little friend

you are the

missing piece, 

to my heart.

Missing you is a terrible ache.

The pain takes over 

my bones and my being.

It suffocates my soul.

And then I can't help but think

you were greedy that way.

Walking away 

all alone, without me.

Red little floret,

I hope you are somewhere 

warm and cosy now.

Maybe in the light,

at the end of the tunnel.

In eternal joy and happiness.

Red little soldier, 

I imagine you fluttering your wings,

Red and Fierce. 

I feel you in space.

In the air.

In my breath.

In the sunshine 

and the rainfall.

In the streams and 

the waterfalls.

In the flower fields 

of my memories.

You are here,

flying,swirling and 

swimming 

everywhere.

Humming our melody, 

I will wait for you, 

till the curtain

falls over my forever.

I promise, I will recognize 

when it's you,

Yet once again.

©Jessica